Let it be?

     Let it be is like my favorite saying.  It encompasses how I feel on just about every subject.  However, there comes a time when you can't just let it be.  If I let it be on everything, I would end up getting walked all over.  I have not had the best day today.  Wait, it was a good day, but not everything that happened was favorable.  I don't want to go into all of the details, because they really aren't anyone's business.  Although, I will dance around them gracefully (only time I can do anything graceful is with words.)
     I am a pretty non confrontational person.  It is part of my being.  I like peaceful situations, and I like to keep the peace.  This trait is good and bad all in one.  It is bad when you let people walk all over you just to keep the "peace."  I use that word in quotations, because there really isn't peace if you are being walked all over.  I think I am done with all of that to some point.  I can sit back and let people say their piece and keep my tongue pretty well.  However, when you push me so far, I might push back.  I think I am at that point today.
     How can someone expect you to be able to help and fix things for them?  I mean, the last time I checked, I was just 24 years old and trying to figure out how to take care of my husband and myself.  We are in our 2nd year of marriage, he is deployed, I am currently bringing in no income, and we have debt.  I think we need to figure out our own junk right now.  I'm sorry if this means we can't fix the world at the moment.  I am also sorry that you think I'm being mean or inconsiderate for wanting to take care of my husband and myself.  I think it is a little inconsiderate for you to expect me to be ok with breaking off such a huge chunk of responsibility for you.  Then after I try to see from your perspective and almost am ready to agree to help, you go off on me and say you are getting mad when I have questions.  Well, gosh, forgive me for wanting all the details of the situation you are wanting me to drag myself into.
     People just really surprise me sometimes.  I'm speaking my mind now, and I know not everyone will like it.  I just don't see how everyone else seems to be able to say exactly what and how they feel when they want with no regard to others' feelings.  I don't want to hurt anyone, but I sure as heck don't want to be walked all over.  I'm grown now.  I can't feel like this anymore.  My words need to start coming out.  They don't have to be mean or hurtful, but they need to make the point clear.
     My point today: I don't appreciate the situation I'm in or the way you are treating me for having concerns.
     

Soooooo

      I decided to start a blog...Why? I guess b/c I don't feel like writing in a journal right now.  I see so many people starting blogs now days, so I figured, why not me to?  I don't know why I chose the blog name I did.  I sat there and googled trying to come up with something witty, and it was taking too long.  Plus, I wanted to start writing, and I didn't want to take forever getting a name.  One of my favorite sayings is Let It Be...I added and let's see b/c I really don't know exactly what I am doing here.  All I know is that I'm 24 years old.  I haven't really started my career yet.  I am getting my foot in the door.  I hope it doesn't get slammed in it.  I am married to my best friend for almost 2 years now.  He is currently deployed.  I live with my Mawmaw.  I have tons of debt with student loans.  I don't have a steady income usually.  It fluctuates each month.  My dog is extremely cute.  His name is Danger.  He will be 3 on Tuesday. :) My hair is it's natural color.  I do not like Bleu Cheese. This saddens me, b/c I love cheese.  What else do I know? Hmmm...God is the only way to survive in this world.  I get very insecure at times.  My face turns red super easy.

        I get told I look like my Aunt Becky a lot by people that knew her. This sometimes is hard to hear b/c I still have a hard time dealing with the fact that she isn't on this earth anymore.  I love my family even though most of us are a little (or a lot) crazy.  I love being the oldest child.  I feel like I worry way too much.  I put up hard walls, but I can still cry at the drop of a hat.  I contradict myself internally.  People crack me up.  I see how they interact, and I wonder why we do things the way we do.  Who came up with social etiquette anyway?  I can talk your ears off and be super loud.  However, I can feel so overwhelmed and unliked as soon as I walk in a room.  I want to laugh when I get compliments. Especially when people tell me I am pretty.  I think I'm just starting to see myself as "pretty." I find it hard to believe that I will be 25 this year.  I still feel like I am a kid trying to figure this whole growing up thing out.  Here I am, almost to my mid 20's, and I still don't feel like I have much of a clue.  Thankfully, I did hear this week that they have found that the part of our brain that deals with maturity and decision making doesn't fully develop until we are in our 40's or 50's.  Whew, that makes me feel a little better.  I cannot stand making any kind of decision.  Do not ask me where I want to eat.  I will tell you to choose.  

     I'm not sure what I want this blog to really be about.  I know I want to try to write about Josh being deployed.  I try to not think about it, but I don't need to hold everything in.  I know there is some wall going up from just watching movies.  I've noticed if I've seen a mushy movie before, such as The Notebook, I can cry and let out my emotion.  However, if it's a mushy movie I'm watching for the first time, such as The Vow, I will hold it in.  This might be b/c of who I'm with while watching, I'm not 100% sure.  However, I do know that my usual crying like a baby self is MIA with the new movies.  I just want Josh home.  I miss him like crazy.  He's my love, the person I can truly be myself around.  He loves me for me, and I love him just the way he is.  Some people might not get our relationship, but they just need to know that we love each other sooooo ridiculously much and that should be enough.  We have nothing to prove to anyone, and I don't really care what they have to say.  I feel like I could explode I love him so much.  Words are useless when it comes to explaining it.  He's my boosk...I just love him.  The day he gets back to me can't come soon enough!  I guess I'll end this one with that.  I love you Joshua Ray!  Always and forever!  Just keep swimming! :)