Soooooo

      I decided to start a blog...Why? I guess b/c I don't feel like writing in a journal right now.  I see so many people starting blogs now days, so I figured, why not me to?  I don't know why I chose the blog name I did.  I sat there and googled trying to come up with something witty, and it was taking too long.  Plus, I wanted to start writing, and I didn't want to take forever getting a name.  One of my favorite sayings is Let It Be...I added and let's see b/c I really don't know exactly what I am doing here.  All I know is that I'm 24 years old.  I haven't really started my career yet.  I am getting my foot in the door.  I hope it doesn't get slammed in it.  I am married to my best friend for almost 2 years now.  He is currently deployed.  I live with my Mawmaw.  I have tons of debt with student loans.  I don't have a steady income usually.  It fluctuates each month.  My dog is extremely cute.  His name is Danger.  He will be 3 on Tuesday. :) My hair is it's natural color.  I do not like Bleu Cheese. This saddens me, b/c I love cheese.  What else do I know? Hmmm...God is the only way to survive in this world.  I get very insecure at times.  My face turns red super easy.

        I get told I look like my Aunt Becky a lot by people that knew her. This sometimes is hard to hear b/c I still have a hard time dealing with the fact that she isn't on this earth anymore.  I love my family even though most of us are a little (or a lot) crazy.  I love being the oldest child.  I feel like I worry way too much.  I put up hard walls, but I can still cry at the drop of a hat.  I contradict myself internally.  People crack me up.  I see how they interact, and I wonder why we do things the way we do.  Who came up with social etiquette anyway?  I can talk your ears off and be super loud.  However, I can feel so overwhelmed and unliked as soon as I walk in a room.  I want to laugh when I get compliments. Especially when people tell me I am pretty.  I think I'm just starting to see myself as "pretty." I find it hard to believe that I will be 25 this year.  I still feel like I am a kid trying to figure this whole growing up thing out.  Here I am, almost to my mid 20's, and I still don't feel like I have much of a clue.  Thankfully, I did hear this week that they have found that the part of our brain that deals with maturity and decision making doesn't fully develop until we are in our 40's or 50's.  Whew, that makes me feel a little better.  I cannot stand making any kind of decision.  Do not ask me where I want to eat.  I will tell you to choose.  

     I'm not sure what I want this blog to really be about.  I know I want to try to write about Josh being deployed.  I try to not think about it, but I don't need to hold everything in.  I know there is some wall going up from just watching movies.  I've noticed if I've seen a mushy movie before, such as The Notebook, I can cry and let out my emotion.  However, if it's a mushy movie I'm watching for the first time, such as The Vow, I will hold it in.  This might be b/c of who I'm with while watching, I'm not 100% sure.  However, I do know that my usual crying like a baby self is MIA with the new movies.  I just want Josh home.  I miss him like crazy.  He's my love, the person I can truly be myself around.  He loves me for me, and I love him just the way he is.  Some people might not get our relationship, but they just need to know that we love each other sooooo ridiculously much and that should be enough.  We have nothing to prove to anyone, and I don't really care what they have to say.  I feel like I could explode I love him so much.  Words are useless when it comes to explaining it.  He's my boosk...I just love him.  The day he gets back to me can't come soon enough!  I guess I'll end this one with that.  I love you Joshua Ray!  Always and forever!  Just keep swimming! :)